SEPTEMBER RECAP

Pumpkin Spice, Butt Lifts, TikTok, and Autism

Oct 1 • 

Graeme

3

September 2025

AUGUST RECAP

Mandatory Parades, War on History, and Iced Matcha

Sep 1 • 

Graeme

5

August 2025

New App Brings Mass Shootings To The Gig Economy

The free market continues to meet demand.

Aug 14 • 

Graeme

Man Spends $150 To Be Sad Downtown

Tired of feeling sad at home, Hunter Parsons decides to do it at a bar.

Aug 12 • 

Graeme

3

2

CUTE: Third Grader Helps Dad Reach ICE Detention Quota By Kidnapping Classmate

A heartwarming story has gone viral out of San Antonio, Texas, after 8 year old Gavin Boyd kidnapped his Panamanian-American classmate...

Aug 6 • 

Graeme

2

July 2025

Detective Stumped As To Which Asshole Keeps Taking All The Good Pens Home

The latest news in the riveting line of office detective work.

Jul 24 • 

Graeme

4

Trump Diagnosed With Chronic Virtue Insufficiency

A disease in which morals have difficulty developing and moving throughout the body—often getting caught up in the legs.

Jul 18 • 

Graeme

Opinion: Donald Trump is Ruining Pancakes For Everyone

Reliable access to the world’s finest maple syrup is not something to muck around with.

Jul 15 • 

Graeme

4

Vance Champions Traditional Family Values By Killing His Father and Marrying His Mother

And Why You Should Too

Jul 5 • 

halley

1

Opinion: Republicans Need to Stop Giving Badass Names to Horrible Things

It’s getting confusing for me.

Jul 2 • 

Jackson Ring

3

June 2025

Democrats Scoop Out Eyeballs And Plow Forward On New Podcast

Following Zohran Mamdani’s decisive victory in NYC, Democratic Leaders look for creative ways to focus on the important things.

Jun 27 • 

Graeme

2

Trump's Intel on Iran Behind Paywall

The President Can No Longer Access Critical Information

Jun 25 • 

Jackson Ring

2