FBI Raids Mind Of Washington Post Reporter

“As a free society we welcome dissent,” said FBI director Kash Patel, “As long as it takes place behind closed doors."

Jan 17 • Graeme

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Federal Agent Kills Mother Of Two In Defensive 600 Yard Sniper Shot

“She may have been coming right at me!” The obscured, unnamed agent stated.

Jan 11 • Graeme

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2026 Bingo Card

Septum Piercings Reclassified As Terror Symbol

Jan 8 • Graeme

3

1

November 2025

OCTOBER RECAP

Hegseth Says Dead Fisherman Actually Three Cocaines In A Trenchcoat

Nov 1, 2025 • Graeme

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October 2025

Local Stories

Trending in Florida: Fingernails, Polio, Toddlers v Police

Oct 21, 2025 • Graeme and halley

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SEPTEMBER RECAP

Brazilian Buttlifts Renamed American Buttlifts

Oct 1, 2025 • Graeme

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September 2025

AUGUST RECAP

Mandatory Parades, War on History, and Iced Matcha

Sep 1, 2025 • Graeme

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August 2025

New App Brings Mass Shootings To The Gig Economy

The free market continues to meet demand.

Aug 14, 2025 • Graeme

Man Spends $150 To Be Sad Downtown

Tired of feeling sad at home, Hunter Parsons decides to do it at a bar.

Aug 12, 2025 • Graeme

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CUTE: Third Grader Helps Dad Reach ICE Detention Quota By Kidnapping Classmate

A heartwarming story has gone viral out of San Antonio, Texas, after 8 year old Gavin Boyd kidnapped his Panamanian-American classmate...

Aug 6, 2025 • Graeme

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July 2025

Detective Stumped As To Which Asshole Keeps Taking All The Good Pens Home

The latest news in the riveting line of office detective work.

Jul 24, 2025 • Graeme

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Trump Diagnosed With Chronic Virtue Insufficiency

A disease in which morals have difficulty developing and moving throughout the body—often getting caught up in the legs.

Jul 18, 2025 • Graeme