FBI Raids Mind Of Washington Post Reporter
“As a free society we welcome dissent,” said FBI director Kash Patel, “As long as it takes place behind closed doors."
A new division of the FBI known as the Thought Police raided the mind of Washington Post Reporter Caroline Darling this week, after federal surveillance systems confirmed she was moving too far to the left. “As a free society we welcome dissent,” said FBI director Kash Patel, “As long as it takes place behind closed doors. Unfortunately Caroline Darling was plotting to express her opinions publicly.” The Thought Police invaded Darling’s mind and began a careful operation to remove all active and dormant left-leaning ideology. “Basically we brought in a couple flamethrowers and lit the bitch up,” explained operations expert Daniel Stoppel. Following the raid, the FBI’s official X account posted a photograph showcasing the unit inside Darling’s burning mind with the caption “National security secured #selfie #bonding.” When reached for comment Caroline Darling responded with a distant spittle covered smile.
Just hours later the FBI’s Feelings Police raided the home of a 15 year old gamer who called Kash Patel gay on Fortnite.
