CUTE: Third Grader Helps Dad Reach ICE Detention Quota By Kidnapping Classmate
A heartwarming story has gone viral out of San Antonio, Texas, after 8 year old Gavin Boyd kidnapped his Panamanian-American classmate...
A heartwarming story has gone viral out of San Antonio, Texas, after 8 year old Gavin Boyd kidnapped his Panamanian-American classmate to help his dad, a 32 year old ICE Agent, reach his Summer detention quota. Reports say the third grader beat his classmate, Daniel, over the head with his multiplication tables until he fell unconscious. The young boy then tied him to the back of his bicycle with a jump rope and dragged him home to his father, who takes Mondays off to drink.
Following a segment on snowcones, Gavin appeared on San Antonio’s Morning Show, telling of his father’s exciting job denying constitutional protections, donning a ski mask and breaking into people’s homes to put them in cages. Gavin said his father promised to buy him anything he wanted from the store if he reached his detention quota for the season. “It’s harder for him than others,” Gavin explained. “Since he takes Mondays off to drink.” So little Gavin decided to help his pops out, by beating his classmate, Daniel, over the head with his multiplication tables, tying him to his bicycle with a jump rope, and dragging him home to his father.
Reporters spoke with Gavin’s father, Derek Boyd, to get his perspective, on Monday. For clarity we’ve excluded most of Agent Boyd’s burps, stutters, and stammers.
“Basically I says to the kid lookie here bubba, Daddy needs some muchachos and he needs em quick cuz Summer’s wrappin up. But if I pulls this off, I tells him, we’s goin out and yous gonna be picking anything ya want from the Super Target up on Blanco Street cuz we’s gonna be rollin I tells him. I mean these bonuses are crazy since that beautif— beautifa— beautefan— since that big bill went through. Like, crazy! Anyways, next thing I knows hes brings me this kid from school and sos I puts him in the shed and calls my director. Turns out the kid’s a freakin Merican citizen. USA I mean. That always gives us a laugh. But it don’t matter much really. We sends him off anyways and I hits my quota! Ha! Good kid I gots.”
Daniel is now living (probably) in a detention center somewhere in or near Texas. We tried contacting ICE to find out where exactly he is being held but no one seems to know how to access that information. Or whether it exists at all.
He’s probably fine though.
America is a good country.
We do good things.