Man Spends $150 To Be Sad Downtown

Tired of feeling sad at home, Hunter Parsons decides to do it at a bar.

Feeling dejected about the tribulations of his personal life, local man Hunter Parsons decided he wasn’t going to sit alone at home feeling sad anymore. Instead, he opted to spend $150 to be sad downtown. “Since everyone I knew was busy I figured I’d go out and make a few new friends,” Parsons said, spilling an overpriced cocktail on himself as strangers pushed past him. “It turns out most people downtown already have friends.” He stared listlessly into space for several minutes.

We caught up with Parsons later that night sitting alone on the damp concrete outside a dance club. He reported that the biting loneliness in his stomach was a bit less noticeable now that he was cold and dizzy and unable to afford an uber ride home.

---