New App Brings Mass Shootings To The Gig Economy
The free market continues to meet demand.
The new app ShootRoute is making waves across the United States. It’s the latest addition to the growing gig economy, which features tech giants like Uber, Lyft, and Doordash.
ShootRoute moves beyond transportation and delivery services, allowing users to commit domestic terrorism from the comfort of their own home. It’s a revolutionary development for everyone who wants to participate in America’s latest pastime, mass homicide, but can’t be bothered to get out of bed.
ShootRoute allows users to post addresses to the app and then offers those addresses to gig workers in the area. Initial ratings have been very high. “For a brand new app,” one user wrote on his Apple Store review, “It’s extremely user friendly. And the UI looks great.”
The success of their launch is in no small part thanks to big name investors like Kevin O’Leary1, who gave the startup enough capital to ensure the app was polished.
“These aren’t expensive black market assassins.” ShootRoute CEO Herman Walters boasted at the application’s launch party. “These are your friends and neighbors who have back pain and alimony and who have been systemically desensitized to violence over decades.”
Currently the app has restrictions on what sort of addresses users can submit. It primarily allows users to target the public sector and nonchristian-orthodox religious institutions. Live entertainment shows are also a popular choice. ShootRoute’s public relations team has stated that these restrictions are in place to discourage extremists from requesting attacks that may threaten valuable human life. “The last thing we want is another UnitedHealthcare situation. We simply hope to profit off events like the 302 mass shootings that have taken place since then.”
O’Leary is rumored to receive a ten cent royalty for every person shot and killed.