Trend Prediction: Self Immolation
The Next Big Thing in Fashion
Vanessa Crank is a TikTok fashion influencer and professional trend forecaster. She has been recognized for her work predicting trends such as leopard print, mermaid core, and being lesbian. The Squeeze sat down with her to discuss the trends of 2025.
What is going to be the biggest trend of the year?
No because like self-immolation is going to be SO in. Trust me. Every year people say my predictions are crazy, but I’ve never been wrong. When I said skinny jeans were out five years ago people lost their goddamn minds. But my predictions use data, babe. It’s a science.
What exactly is self-immolation?
Um only like the most extreme form of protest? By setting yourself on fire? To make a political statement? You don’t know? Girl, let me put you on. It’s cunty. It’s sexy. It’s brat. It literally dates back centuries so it’s also vintage!
How do you know this is going to be the hottest new trend?
Haha you’re funny, girl. I like you. Hottest? Get it? Listen, in 2024 seven people self-immolated in the United States. SEVEN! Mostly in protest of like the genocide in Gaza or inhumane conditions within US prisons or whatever. In the past decade it’s only been like one every other year. FASHION ALERT! That’s a growing trend bestie.
But listen fashionistas, the best time to do this is NOW while it’s still up and coming. You will become The. Trend. Setter. Trust me, you do not want to hop on this trend when Shein and Temu start selling self-immolation kits. That would just be embarrassing. Once this hits peak micro-trend it will start giving virtue signaling, not mysterious chic activist coded.
Is this safe?
Is it safe? Be fucking for real. Are BBL’s safe? Is Ozempic safe? Beauty is pain. No one gave a shit when bulimia was in during 2003. Why should lighting yourself on fire to promote a burgeoning political revolution be any different?
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