Opinion: Republicans Need to Stop Giving Badass Names to Horrible Things
Opinion: Republicans Need to Stop Giving Badass Names to Horrible Things
It’s getting confusing for me.
Alligator Alcatraz opened this past weekend in the Everglades. I was under the impression this was some kind of dope ass amusement park or escape room. To my shock and horror, it was actually a concentration camp that is going to destroy both lives of innocent people and the ecosystem of Florida. I have been fooled by these things before. In 2020, I was almost duped into thinking “All Lives Matter” was a beautiful slogan about equality. Nope, just a racist dog whistle. Pro-Life sounded to me like a powerful anti-suicide campaign that I was on board with until I found out it was an anti-abortion catchphrase. Hell, even the DOGE department sounded pretty epic to me at first. I love that funny dog.
As a country, we need to take action and stop the GOP from taking all the badass and misleading names for their programs. It’s time to act. I believe we are scaring away the Republican Party with scary acronyms and letters that may shock or frighten them. LGBTQ+ may just be too much for a corrupt 86 year old senator who yelled at Ruby Bridges in the 60’s. Instead, we should entice the boomers with terms like “Child that will not get pregnant or get anyone else pregnant on accident.” DEI is another blanket term that has these crotchety old weasels clutching their pearls. How about something like “making sure EVERYONE can help fund billionaires’ companies equally.” They got us with the pro-life one, I admit. I mean, then that makes us anti-life. A stellar strategic move on the part of the evangelical right. I think that pro-choice is a pretty solid workaround, but we can do better. Republicans love when things have a bold, vague label that sounds cool and hardcore, so how about something sick like “Operation Children’s Crusade.” It’s always in your best interest to pander to images of holy wars and needless violence against children. They actually throw money at that kind of stuff, so it might even work in our favor.
My point is, these right wing nuts have us beat in one specific area besides podcasts, and that is their naming conventions. I voted for Biden, but I have to admit sleepy joe was funny as hell. Fellow progressives, it’s time we step up our games and start speaking more like middle school boys who have a fathead of Aaron Rodgers on their wall. Remember fatheads? Anyways, I’m tired of getting duped by these GOP movements with cool names. But in other news, I hear there’s something that just passed called the Big, Beautiful Bill. There’s no way that can be bad, right?