New UnitedHealthcare CEO Defends Self Against Threat of High Claim
Tim Noel's Heroic Act
New UnitedHealthcare CEO Defends Self Against Threat of High Claim
“Gun violence in America has always been rampant,” says MSNBC reporter Becca Baer, “but I never thought it would take the life of someone who actually matters.” She expressed concerns after the assassination of the UnitedHealthcare CEO, Brian Thompson. Like Baer, many people of stature are worried that the slaying will inspire copycat crimes. Radicals have already been seen protesting outside of Mangione’s courtroom. To thwart off threats of desecration, Thompson was buried in a preemptively piss covered grave.
“Ever since the murder,” says new UnitedHealthcare CEO, Tim Noel, “we’ve all been forced into a life of worry. Can you imagine going through life not knowing if you’ll live to see your next meal?” He spoke out at a New York charity event for executives in distress called Protect ED. “I hope we will return to normalcy soon. I pray the next shooting will be schoolchildren or blacks or some other people that don’t matter.” This emotional speech came just days prior to Noel’s run in on the New York City streets with a single mother of three who threatened Noel with a high claim that his company could not justifiably deny again. In a brave act of self defense of company margins, Noel gunned down the mother of three outside the Hilton Midtown. Shortly after he received additional threats from onlookers. In particular he heard alarming criticism from probable terrorist Scotty Acorn. Acorn told the executive he should treat others how he wants to be treated, while the mother bled out on the pavement. The six year old is expected to be tried as an adult and faces up to 15 years in prison for threats of terrorism and verbal assault.