Majority of Americans Agree Iran War Is A Necessary Consequence For Algebra
Polls show Iran had this coming ever since inventing algebra 1000 years ago.
Majority of Americans Agree Iran War Is A Necessary Consequence For Algebra
“It’s true that we’re concerned about Iran approaching its 35th consecutive year being six days away from a nuclear weapon,” said White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt. “But the majority of Americans know what this is really about. And they overwhelmingly agree. Iran—once Persia—needs to pay for inventing Algebra in the 9th century.”
Numerous pollsters show that Leavitt is correct for once (though journalists at The Squeeze didn’t bother to double check their math out of principle). Americans overwhelmingly agree that Iran never paid their debt for all those years American citizens have spent bored out of their minds in the 9th grade. “Numbers were perfectly good when we were just adding and subtracting them!” President Trump declared in his address to the nation. “Iran should have left them that way!”
Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu released a video on X backing Trump’s comments, stating, “What President Trump has said is true. This war is about whatever it was he said it was about. Definitely. Numbers, nukes, colonialism. Just keep the bombs rolling.”
Sure, advancements in mathematics have made nearly all modern luxuries possible, from freezers to cell phones to digital pornography. But does any of that really make up for the awful year we spent getting tyrannized by Ms. Clarkson and the quadratic fucking formula? Sixty five percent of Americans say no.