Democrats Struggle to Find Next Worst Possible Candidate for 2028 Election

The Party's Strategy Moving Forward

Democrats Struggle to Find Next Worst Possible Candidate for 2028 Election

Sure, most current representatives are already corrupt, but so many of them are strangers to the general public. The real challenge for Democrats moving forward is finding a figure who is already wildly unpopular. Party strategists are hinting they may go all in on Liz Cheney. Though other members of leadership fear she may have too many opinions about how things should be run.

According to Nancy Pelosi, who has a lot of sway over internal politics, the DNC would prefer to back a candidate who is likely to have absolutely no impact on anything. “We fear President Biden—who had one neuron fire every hour—may have even done too much during his time in office. That’s one of the major reasons I made calls to oust him during this election cycle.” Pelosi told reporters. Though she gave him credit for at least not mentioning any of his economic achievements to the press or public. “Ideally our next candidate would go into a hibernation or cryo sleep immediately following the inauguration.” She continued.

Of course Democrats know the best way to ensure their party has no impact is to stay out of the Oval Office altogether. That is part of the reason they plan to bring back Hilary Clinton and Kamala Harris as high salaried campaign staffers in 2028. Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer dispelled accusations of hypocrisy during a recent appearance on NBC News. When asked if staying out of office entirely allowed Republicans to make too much change in their absence, Schumer clarified, “We actually don’t mind Republican change so much. Fascism can be really useful to our donors and it helps us consolidate power too. It’s just a nasty thing to actually be the one implementing it.”